On Reversing Life’s Sequence [Random Viewpoints]
by George Carlin
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out-of-the-way.
Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you’re too young to work.
You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you’re generally promiscuous.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then…
You spend your last nine months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then…
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Ah, the “tree of life” : a movie of infinite moments, culled from one person’s singular experience?
*I had a hard time deciding where to put this little classic Carlin nugget: Humor | Poetical Writings | Artistic Endeavors…I decided upon RANDOM VIEWPOINTS; although it could fit any of the others equally.
GEORGE CARLIN is remembered for his unique and quintessentially New York voice, his coruscating mastery of the English language and his devastatingly funny insights into such timeless human follies as war, class, moral hypocrisy, God and golf.
Born in New York City in 1937, George Dennis Patrick Carlin was one of the greatest and most influential stand-up comedians of all time. He appeared on The Tonight Show more than 130 times, starred in an unprecedented 14 HBO Specials, hosted the first Saturday Night Live and penned three New York Times bestselling books. Of the 23 solo albums recorded by Mr. Carlin, 11 were Grammy nominated and he took home the coveted statue five times.
George Carlin passed away at age 71 on June 22, 2008.